Tests

So this 2ww can be summed up by one word. Tests. As in multiple. I have taken over 10 tests during the past 2 weeks because I am crazy and because it makes me feel like I have some sort of control over this whole thing (which I obviously don't).

They have all been negative of course. On Saturday morning I looked at a test from the day before that I had left on the counter and there was some weird water mark on it near where the pregnancy line should be. Now I've taken enough of these things to know that you shouldn't read results after 10 minutes because of settling, etc so I took another test. Again I got this:



The one on the bottom is from Friday (with the weird water mark)  The top one is from Saturday.



The faintest of lines... I almost couldn't see it with the naked eye but the line looks a little darker in the picture.

So we have hope! We were cautiously optimistic all day. We couldn't wait to wake up the next morning so we could take another one that would hopefully be even darker and eliminate the doubt we were feeling...

That didn't happen. The test we took Sunday morning looked like this.

The line was barely there, lighter than Saturday...UGHHhHh!!!

So here it is 730 Sunday morning and now we're more confused than we were before.  Figured we should just wait until Monday morning when I was already scheduled for a blood test with the doctor so we could be sure.

That was not good enough for the hubby. He got out of bed and took charge. We're going to Target and picking up a better test. This was exactly how it happened the first time we found out we were pregnant so he wanted to do everything the same, just in case.

We purchased a digital test and got this result:

Now, you would think there would be no confusing the test above but there is always a hiccup with us... Since we took an HCG shot the night before insemination it is possible the HPT is picking up remnants of the HCG shot still in my system...

So back to square one.  I went to the doctor on Monday morning and waited all day for the results.  We had more trouble than usual getting my blood drawn that morning so I had sore arms on top of the anxiety I was feeling waiting for the call.

Finally around 2:50 in the afternoon, the nurse finally called.  I knew this call was different from the first sentence out of her mouth.  (I have gotten the "other" call many times)  Just the way she said my name, I knew it was good news.

WE ARE PREGNANT!!

I cant believe I get to type those words again!  We have been praying for this for so long.  We have a very long road ahead of us but we feel so blessed to be given another chance.



IUI Day!

So even though I didn't sleep very well last night, I woke up bright and early this morning very excited about the day.

I got my hubby ready and out the door so that he could go take care of business and then I would meet up with him a few hours later for the actual transfer. 

Unfortunately, I hit a little snafu on my way...

Not something you want to see in your rearview EVER
but especially not when you have somewhere so important to be!

Thankfully the lady copy was feeling generous today so she let me off very easy.  It could have really but a huge damper on my day but it turned out to be just a hiccup. 



A citation for having a tail light out...I'll take it  :)



I met up with the hubs, grabbed coffee and made it to the office just in time.  Here are some pictures to document our day.  There aren't too many this time because we decided to go back to work afterwards.

I LOVE how you can see D's little ring hooked onto my earring for good luck.

Letting go

As I lay here tonight, the night before insemination I find myself thinking about my life...I can't sleep! This is what people think about when they can't sleep! Right?

I have the tendency to hold a grudge, like til the end of time...it's not healthy but I don't know any other way.

I want so badly to let it all go and say that we can move on and all will be right with the world again but I know that's just not how my heart works. Once you've hurt me that's it. I don't give you the chance to do it again.

In the two years since I lost my son I have learned so much about myself but the one thing that surprises me most is my renewed faith. You would think it would go the other way after such a traumatic loss but for me it just proved that we all have a journey we are meant to take and really don't have all that much control of it.

With my renewed faith I have realized that we need to let things go, forgive and move on....if only for our own well being. It's so unhealthy to harbor such negativity for so long.

So that's what I'm doing. I may not ever forget (that's the only way to protect yourself) but I can forgive.

I feel better already! :)

Thursday

Had an ultrasound this morning and we are progressing nicely according to Dr. M. We have two nice sized follicles in my left ovary and some smaller ones in both. I have to continue my shots for another two nights and then go in again on Saturday so they can see the size of the follicles and determine whether we are ready for the IUI.